Christopher Reeve once said, “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to preserver and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” I think this sums up Aaron, and how he lived life. He never set out nor wanted to be a hero or an inspiration to anyone, but he truly was. Aaron showed us how to live and love life, even when we are at our lowest points, or facing great obstacles.
I still remember the first time that I met Aaron. I was 16 or 17 years old, and it was my first day of work at Central Maine Medical Center as a Certified Nurses’ Aid. I was already nervous, when I was told my first patient was someone with Cystic Fibrosis who spent a lot of time in the hospital. I went in to do his vital signs, and fumbled with the blood pressure cuff, due to my nerves. He made some joke about it, as only Aaron would. I was absolutely mortified. Little did I know that I had met my best friend, soul mate and love of my life that day. We didn’t start dating until a couple years later when I attended the University of Maine with him. Our relationship was built on the foundation of a deep friendship.
I always knew that our time together would be shorter than most, but I wouldn’t change or trade our time we did have together, 8 wonderful years, for anything. If I had a chance to go back and do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing, or give up that time we did had. I would choose Aaron and the love we shared, every single time. Every moment we had together, was truly a gift. We may have faced more obstacles in our 8 years together, than most people ever do, but those obstacles and challenges just brought us closer, and cemented our bond even more. Aaron asked me often in the beginning if I really wanted to start a relationship and fall in love with someone who may not be with me very long, due to his health struggles. His first lung transplant was coming up, and he wasn’t sure of the outcome, and wanted to protect me from getting hurt. Aaron was always protecting me and those he loved. What he didn’t know is that my heart had already chosen him and loved him. I had fallen under the spell of the famous “Sterling Charm” as he called it. We often talked about the future, “OUR future”- getting married, having children, buying a house, etc. and all of the wonderful things we would be able to do together. We both knew early on, within a few months or even weeks, that this was it- we had met our soul mate, life partner, and best friend. He taught me what it meant to truly love someone, unconditionally. Meeting and falling in love with Aaron is the best present I could ever have been given. When I try to imagine what life would be like if we hadn’t met, I can only see a blank space. Aaron was everything to me. As clichéd as this sounds, he completed me.
We had our struggles like any couple, but we tried to take advantage of time we were given with each other. We always made sure to say, “I love you,” at the end of every phone call, and whenever we were leaving to go somewhere, even for just a few minutes along with a kiss. We always wanted each other to know how the other was feeling- life is too short not to.
Aaron loved to do little things for everyone. He loved to get me flowers- just because or do something special, like cook a nice meal or vacuum the apartment to make sure I knew I was loved and special to him. For his first transplant, he orchestrated with his Dad to get each of the ladies of the group that were there during the transplant a single red rose from him. Aaron wanted to show his appreciation to all of us for being there and supporting him. In his last few months, he bought me a Kindle, something I have wanted for a while, as a thank you for standing by him. I told him that love and the promises we made in our vows to each other, mean standing by someone through the good times and bad, in sickness and in health, and that he would and was doing the same for me.
Aaron was the same with his friends and family- no matter what time it was or what he was doing, if someone needed to talk, he would stay up or drop everything and talk with them. Aaron was always available for a friend or family. If a friend was having a tough day or period of time, he would do whatever he could to help them work through it, and then make them smile or laugh. Aaron’s smile and humor was infectious, and it wasn’t long before you forgot your troubles, even for just a moment. Aaron always went above and beyond for his friends, family and those he loved. He had a huge heart, and jumped at the chance to help someone, and try to make their life easier. Aaron always said that if he could take away the hurt, the pain, the sadness, and the tough obstacles we all face, he would. He always wanted to take on everyone else’s burden, even though he carried a heavy one of his own.
Aaron always found a way to connect with someone he met, and he quickly, and easily made friends anywhere he went. He found something in common with a particular person, and bonded over that common interest- whether that was cooking, music, politics, hunting, fishing, home brewing, golfing, or any other thing he loved to do. Looking around at all of you, shows all of us, just how many lives Aaron has touched. Even just spending 5 minutes with Aaron, had the potential to change your life. I am humbled and heartened to see how many people loved and cared about Aaron, and were inspired by him. Even though he is gone, he will continue to live on through all of us, and the countless lives he touched. Aaron may not feel like he accomplished everything he wanted in life, but affecting, touching and changing the life of even just one person, can make a big difference in the world. He was a true an inspiration and teacher to us all.
As Abraham Lincoln once said, “It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. “ Even though Aaron only had 30, years, he did more living in those 30 years, than many people do in a lifetime. Aaron loved life, and wanted to squeeze every second and every minute out of every day. He hated to go to sleep at night, even as an adult, afraid he would miss something going on. No matter how horrible he felt, he still went out with friends, played golf, cooked, hunted, fished, home brewed, cross stitched, among many other things.
I have asked on my facebook page for everyone to share with me their favorite memory of Aaron. I am also asking that you please take one of the index cards on the table near the guest book, in order to write down and share a memory or two of Aaron. I know that many of you have several wonderful memories, and I love reading them. I haven’t given my favorite memories yet, because I wanted to share them with you all now. It’s so hard to sift through 8 years of memories and pick just one. I think my favorite times with Aaron are the many days and nights we spent at home together, just the two of us, cooking dinner, curling up on the couch together to watch tv or a movie, or even just talking, or sitting on the deck playing cribbage or some other game, which Aaron ALWAYS won. I loved the nights we set up Aaron’s telescope to look at the moon and stars and talked about the Great Beyond. Even though we spent pretty much 24 hours a day together, we NEVER ran out of things to talk about. We never grew tired of spending that time together and tried to take advantage of every minute we had together.
Aaron always took care of me and tried to protect me. He always indulged my little quirks and fantasies- let me follow Blake Shelton around NC and eventually meet him, always let me have the remote and watch the shows I wanted, and he never complained or went in the other room. He put up with it and watched with me and said it was a way he could spend time with me. Aaron even wore the hat I knit him, which was ONLY a few sizes too large, almost every day in the winter because he appreciated the effort and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Instead of stuffing it in the back of the closet, never to be seen again, he wore it with pride. He loved that hat because I made it for him.
Aaron was a master chef and loved to cook for our families, our friends and me. Aaron was an unbelievably good cook, and he always made it look so easy. The only problem when he cooked is that he felt the need to dirty every dish and utensil in our entire apartment. He would plan out menus and meals ahead of time, and loved to host and entertain. He was a perfectionist in everything, and things never came out quite to his liking, but we all thought everything was delicious. He always made Easter dinner, corned his own beef for St. Patrick’s Day, and loved to plan many meals in between. Thankfully I always had him to cook for me because the few instances where I tried to cook for him, didn’t always go well- for example the one day I tried to make sausage and biscuits for him for his birthday, and ended up getting flecks of the cast iron skillet in the gravy. Even though he was a great cook, there are a few instances where experimentation went wrong. I remember Aaron was cooking some duck breasts for us, and the directions said to get the cast iron skillet white hot. Well, Aaron took that pretty literally, despite my protests. The minute he put the duck breast, fat side down in the pan, it flashed, and smoke immediately filled our apartment. I had to open both doors-front and back, and every single window in the entire apartment. I made him take the duck out of the pan and let it cool down, but it took a long time for the smoke to clear and the smell of burnt duck to leave the apartment. Needless to say, we never made duck again. There was also an occasion with our close friends in North Carolina, Dana and Casey. Dana also has CF and had a life saving double lung transplant over 11 years ago. They were vacationing in the Outer Banks, and invited us along for a few days of respite. Aaron and I wanted so badly to make them a “thank you dinner.” We were going to cook something on the grill, but it was too windy. Aaron had Casey put the pan on the stove to heat up, but then the pan was forgotten about a little too long. Aaron went to put the butter in the warm pan and swirl it around. He realized a little too late that the pan was too hot, and it wasn’t long before the butter caught fire, and we had some pretty tall flames. Another mistake was made when the hot pan was put on a pot holder and ended up melting and burning the pot holder as well. Dana and I were screaming thinking we were going to set this huge, expensive beach house on fire, and Aaron calmly put the fire out. We have definitely had a lot of laughs about that.
Aaron also loved to brew his own beer. His last batch is still sitting in our bathroom, waiting to be bottled, but it was definitely a batch that I will never forget. Casey came over to brew Raspberry Lambic with him. I spent most of the day on the deck, but ended up leaving for a few minutes. When I got home, I found Casey and Aaron in the kitchen trying to clean up the brew that had spilled all over the kitchen floor (the brew was too hot when they poured it into a special plastic fermentation bottle, and the bottle ended up shrinking, causing the brew to spill all over the kitchen floor. I am just thankful they didn’t do this on the carpet). I figured that would be the last of that home brew I would have to clean up, but later on that night I was sitting in the living room and suddenly heard a hissing noise coming from the bathroom. It was 2 in the morning and Aaron was sleeping. I ran into the bedroom, and said, “Aaron I think your homebrew is hissing.” He ran into the bathroom with me, just in time to see a geyser of red beer shooting out from the brewing bottle, reaching the ceiling and flying all over every surface in the entire bathroom. He just stood there watching this geyser, while I yelled, “DO SOMETHING about it, don’t just watch it.” Finally we were able to stop it, and we spent the next few hours cleaning the entire guest bathroom- walls, ceiling, sink, shower, toilet, floor, etc. Like I said, it will definitely be a batch of beer, I will NEVER forget.
I loved all of Aaron’s little quirks- his interesting choice of clothing- those wonderful plaid 70s golf pants, of the faux suede pants and red plaid shirt he just had to get when we were in Quebec, the fact that you could never get a great picture of him outside, unless he had his sunglasses on (can’t count how many pictures we have of us where Aaron is making the most ridiculous faces), his love of music, politics, and his very sarcastic and at times, twisted sense of humor. There was hardly an hour that went by when we weren’t laughing at something, usually some comment made at my expense.
I carry in my heart so many wonderful memories, and it’s hard to just pick a few. I will always remember the love and laughter we shared. He always knew just what to say to make me smile on all those hard days, and a simple hug could make everything right with the world. Aaron hated to see anyone sad or cry, and wished he could take the sadness away, which is true with anyone you love. Aaron always made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and like the most beautiful girl, even at my worst, or the many moments where I feel far from beautiful. Forget asking Aaron for an honest opinion on a haircut or outfit- he would tell me I looked beautiful without even looking, saying he loved everything I wore and liked my haircut and color anyway I did it. Aaron had a way of making me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered, and I know many friends who feel the same way. Aaron had a way about him, so that during most conversations, he made it seem like he was always listening and whatever you had to say was important.
Aaron was someone who was always thinking about someone else, saying that what he was dealing with was minimal compared to many others around him. He always felt that someone else had it worse. He never once complained about the hand in life he was given, he just did the best he could with strength, perseverance, grace, dignity, bravery, and love. Aaron embraced life, love, family and friends, the important things that may seem small, the things we neglect or take forgranted, but they are the things we remember most when we look back. He always went out of his way to help someone with their own burdens- whether answering questions about life after transplant, sharing his own experiences, or helping someone work through a problem. He was an amazing man, who continues to inspire me to live life to the fullest every single day. Aaron was a fighter and he was strong, courageous and humble until the end, and I am a better person because of Aaron.
I wanted to leave you with a few things. The first one is from our commitment ceremony:
I cannot promise you a life of sunshine
I cannot promise you riches, wealth or gold
I cannot promise you an easy pathway
That leads you away from change or growing old
But I can promise all my hearts devotion
A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow
A love that is ever true & growing
A hand to hold in yours through each tomorrow
This passage is from a book called “The Meaning of life”
“Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings real meaning to our everyday lives. The love I mean is the fire that burns inside us all, the inner warmth that prevents our soul from freezing in the winters of despair. It’s the love of life itself. It’s the voice that says, “Celebrate life, be creative!” It brings with it the passion and understanding that some things in life are worth dying for, but there is so much more worth living for.”
I love you, Aaron T. Sterling. Thank you for teaching me that nothing is impossible, and to cherish every moment. You touched my life profoundly, and I will forever be grateful for the short time we had together. You have shown us all how to truly live life with no regrets. You will forever be in my heart and thoughts, and will live on through all of us, the people whose lives you touched, and our wonderful memories. In our vows, we didn’t say, “Until death do us part,” but instead we said, “You are my soul mate, and my best friend. I would be honored to be your life partner, not only ‘til death do us part, but for eternity and forever more.” We knew our love for each other wouldn’t end at death, but continue on. I will love you always, and I won’t say goodbye, but instead, Until we meet again.
I’ll end with a poignant quote:
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go, some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
